How To Set Healthy Boundaries During COVID-19

Having healthy boundaries is a part of self-care! Where do you begin? This week, why healthy boundaries improve your relationships, and how to effectively communicate your needs to your partner, family, and friends. It’s about who you allow in your space! Space is your personal time, your emotional space, and where you give and spend your energy.

Sometimes the combination can feel quite crowded! That’s when my hubby, David, and I decided we would add a fun element to our communication when that happens. We say, “Get out of my nest”.

When your personal & emotional space feel crowded, I’ve found it helpful to say “Get out of my nest”.

anastasia

How are setting healthy boundaries helpful for you?

  1. You have defined your identity. You are confident. Not arrogant. Your confidence is going to work for you as others will now know what to expect from you. How refreshing is that?
  2. Healthy boundaries honor what you need. It is important to not judge other people’s choices or boundaries. Be kind & listen with an open mind.
  3. Determine the consequences for when someone crosses that line. Be committed to take action. What would that look like? Personally, I’ve chosen to unfriend individuals on social media, end friendships, relationships, and my work environment. It was not easy. When someone disrespects you more than once and you now know what to expect of them, ask yourself, “how will this impact my emotional & physical health if I continue to allow this.”?
  4. When you consistently follow 1-3 you will be respected. You don’t have to be loved or liked by everyone to be respected. 
  5. Ask your partner, friends, family & co-workers what their healthy boundaries may be or how you can best be helpful to them and …. listen.

How to communicate effectively is by using “I” statements.

Let’s say, you don’t want to talk about the news or COVID-19 anymore today. You may consider the following;

“It is not helpful to me to talk about COVID right now.” 

“It has been helpful for me to limit my news/media to 20 minutes a day. And I’m maxed out.”

“I am feeling overwhelmed today, may we change the topic? “

Here are some of my healthy boundary examples during COVID-19.

  1. TOPIC: Weight gain memes. 

ACTION: I scroll past them on social media without commenting because I’m hoping the algorithm will see that I don’t engage and find me other memes to interact with. So far, my theory has worked!

ACTION: If a weight gain meme is texted to me. I recognize that it is meant for humor & without a mean intention. Yet, I have set my boundary by texting back, “It is stressful for me to see memes that make fun of women gaining weight during COVID.”

2. TOPIC: Complaining or Boredom Texts / Posts

ACTION: I appreciate your view, however, I am focusing my energy on how I can be more thankful, happy for what I have right now. 

Both of those examples share what I will allow into my space without being unkind.

How do you have healthy boundary success? Get real with your feelings and what triggers your stress. Recognize who & what you will allow in your space to be your best.

Let me know if this has been helpful to you!

Anastasia

How My Experience With Grief & Loneliness Prepared Me Emotionally During COVID-19

Have you felt anxious, stressed, sad, tired, angry, restless, or in a fog like you are living in a different dimension lately? If you answered yes, you are not alone. I believe we are experiencing grief and loneliness as we stay strong in our fight to stay healthy as individuals and as a country during the COVID-19 pandemic.

We grieve the many things we were able to do with friends, family or co-workers. We feel lonely or disconnected from our staying home in effort to stay safe and healthy. I understand.

In 2016, I was so excited to marry the man of my dreams! We were in our forties, and opted to combine our wedding and honeymoon so we traveled to a destination out of the country. Prior to leaving the USA, we talked with my mom and my futre in-laws. We felt blessed and blissful! The day after arriving at our destination, I received a message sharing that my mom had suddenly passed away from a pulmonary embolism. My world would never be the same.

I understand what it is like to not be able to see your loved one, visit them in a hospital, hold their hand, give them a hug, or hear their voice. I understand what it is like to virtually make funeral arrangements. I understand what it is like to go back to your life feeling so disconnected and detached. I had to learn how to grow through grief and loneliness.

  1. Learn to like to being alone with yourself. If you are unable to like being with yourself or are bored being alone with yourself, then how will anybody feel connected to you or want to be around you? This is an opportunity for you to do your best self-care. Love yourself. Create new goals. Honor the process.
  2. Release your expectations of yourself, your intimate relationships, friends, family & others. By doing this, you set healthy boundaries which will be rewarding for your emotional health.
  3. Visit social media with intention. In 2016, I attempted to escape my loneliness by being on social media more often. It was August – December during the Presidential campaign. Toxic political posts in my feed only triggered sadness, anxiety and stress. What I found helpful was to limit my time on social media. It became optimized when I used it for (1) personal growth (2) professional growth. Intentionally seek out motivation, empowerment, mindset boosting affirmations, and for those you consider mentors or leaders that you can learn from to hone your career craft.

In times like these, you have 2 choices to overcome grief and loneliness. You can choose to nurture existing relationships or form new ones. The most important relationship is the connection with yourself.

Suicide Prevention: How To Use Social Media To Help Someone Today

After hearing about Kate Spade’s death, I felt compelled to learn other suicide prevention resources that I had not previously known about and share them with my tribe. What I found is an empowering call to action for each of us who may know someone who is struggling emotionally.

Make no mistake; mental health is an all-inclusive club. Its membership doesn’t require a certain amount of financial wealth; it doesn’t seek a preference to faith, gender, geography or employment.

Can you imagine the extreme exhaustion one may feel as they prepare for this emotionally painful battle each and every day? I can’t.

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. FACT: The most recent figures released by the CDC show that the highest suicide deaths among women is between the ages of 45-64. Make time to familiarize yourself with how to recognize behaviors or warning signs.

Social media is one of the most profound ways you can be proactive regarding suicide prevention. Now, you can choose the platform, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube or SnapChat to show your concern or remain anonymous.

View my vlog for a step-by-step example.

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Truth: learning about the resources available for suicide prevention invites us to be proactive for ourselves or those we love.  Applying those resources to offer a helping hand, however is what makes a difference.

Paying attention to behaviors guides us to know when the time is right to reach out and talk. Be in a space that holds peace & kindness before any conversation. This space needs to be free from any perceived labels or judgments.

 

Life is often more difficult for those around us than we are allowed to see. Do not underestimate the power of your supportive call to action.

Take What You Learn & Make A Difference With It!

Anastasia

www.AnastasiaTurchetta.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Ways To Apply Negative Feedback Successfully

Ever notice your body’s reaction prior to your performance review? Speaker evaluation? Pay attention to your heart rate, whether or not you are holding your breath or feeling your deodorant beginning to work overtime! Why do we fear feedback? Is it possible that we do not know how to process it or rebound from it when it is less than stellar?

My first 25 years working as a clinical dental hygienist had me fear feedback every day from patients! Their feedback rarely had anything to do with my clincal skills or the ability to provide the services within my legal scope of practice. The comments that were “zingers” were based upon opinion of their fear, anxiety, or experience.

So how do you apply negative feedback successfully?

Ask yourself if the comment directly applies to your job performance or if it is a zinger. Here’s a simple check list to refer to when reading a less than stellar comment on your job performance. (1) does this refer to the content or job you were hired to do  (2) crossing the line regarding code of ethics or your moral compass (3) anything illegal happen and finally,  (4) is it life threatening to anyone. Most often, it will be how you may hone your content or job skill sets. Embrace that!

The “zingers” are constricted opinions that hold zero relevance to your professional and financial growth. Give the “zingee”  a hug or food if they are hangry and then shake it off. You’ve got something better to accomplish than planning for a pity party. Last week’s vlog shares some examples of my own recent “zingers”

Negative feedback is not a monster. It is designed for your growth and productivity in your career. It empowers you to gain ground on a weaker skill set and strengthen it.

 

3 steps to successfully apply negative feedback are;

 

1) Breathe. Before your meeting / performance review, get an index care out with the word Breathe on it and look at it. Breathe in positivity and exhale anxiety to gift your body’s reaction to a state of openness, calm, centered.

2) Receive. Yes, it is always nice to know you hit your goal, delivered an outstanding program. Now, receive the not so good. Recognize the difference between what holds promise for your growth and what holds an empty opinion. Before moving on to the 3rd step, revisit the encouraging feedback to compare it with your checklist above. This action adjusts your mindset, driving you forward to hone skill sets for success.

3) Believe. Take the fact that we have areas that are not our strongest assets. Mine, for example, is organization. Living with ADHD, it is a struggle to remember where my keys are let alone get to an email response on time. Believe in yourself no matter what. Surround yourself with people to help you achieve this goal.  Hire a coach, bookkeeper, virtual assistant, video editor, etc. to be on your team. Be accountable to set realistic timelines with the expectation that you will have strengthened that area and it will be noticeable in your business. Soon you will “Be-Leaving” what may have held you back! Using this 3-step system is an emotionally healthy approach that will add value to your career, advance you past prior skill sets or zingers and empower you to live an abundantly productive life!

 

Take What You Learn & Make A Difference With It

 

Anastasia